11/2/04 5:32 PM
Bush fucked with my vote, Kerry is just a douche, an ugly douche
So, this is Varms.Net's first real attempt at in depth journalism. That is right people, over an mother fucking election. You can tell you kids you heard it here first. Enjoy yourself!
I went to the poling place today. I was thinking about making this the first election since I was 18 that I wasn't going to vote in. I loathe Bush, Kerry is a touch hole who I think is trying to steal my soul in every picture I have seen of him. I don't know any of the other people who are running for President enough to really say I want to vote for them. Fuck that noise. I voted for Tom Hanks. I don't really know what his political views are or anything, but I am sure that he isn't an evil robot, like some people. ~cough~ BUSH!
So I was standing in line and the girl behind me says something like this.
Girl:
That is weird, I thought that I marked, 'No Party' on my registration thingie.
It says Republican...
Friend: It is probably just a mix up...
Mix up my fucking ass!!! It is a Republican conspiracy. They must have gone around and just registered a bunch of people as one of their evil hoards of the undead! Think about it. It is all about the funding for next year, and the year after. I bet you that girl isn't ever going to change her party, she is just going to be lazy, like the rest of America. Maybe get interested in voting and go to the primaries and vote then too. Why? Because everyone hates paperwork, especially if you are decaying for lack of a soul.
How can you hate this man? YOU SHOULD HAVE VOTED FOR HIM
But the Republican conspiracy doesn't end there, no fucking way. They magically "lost" my information. I had to fill out a affidavit (being the hardest word in the english language to spell) and everything, put my name on it, and seal it. That is right, the "man" now knows that I voted for Hanks. Those fuckers.
It isn't like I fucked up when I registered or anything. The woman fucking knows me. Not only because I wear shorts in the winter, when normal people freeze and implode due to lack of awesome in the environment, but because I am one of the six people in Town, my age, who came and voted for the Mayor, and voted at mid-term elections. I ALWAYS FUCKING VOTE. The woman pretty much knew my name.
Not only that, but she said that a ton of people from the college were having that kind of trouble. Hrm, could it be that they selected certain "Democratic" personalities of people and vetoed their information? Everything that was written in four years ago in Florida was thrown out. Why not now, in New York?
His parents must have hated him, seeing as how he had a speaker for an arm, and not a head.
And this is fucking New York State people. This state hasn't gone to the fucking Republicans since we ran George SpeakerHead on the Democratic ticket. He raped children, ate live parrots, and shit himself repeatedly on stage during every debate. And that was in 1428. Oh, wait, I just made that entire thing up.
I don't know what he is selling, but I am sure as hell going out and buying one right now.
I will bet you money that this is something that comes to play within the next couple of days. You heard it on Varms.Net first! GO HANKS!!!