6:42 PM
God Bless Radio Disney!
So, I was on a road trip to see a couple of
friends in south western New York, also known as the beginning of middle America.
I don't know about you, but if you haven't been, you really need to go. This
place opened my eyes.
Did you know that we are still fighting a war in Iraq? NEITHER DID I! I am
so fucking happy that everyone I saw driving a car had a bumper sticker that
informed me that I should be supporting our troops! I mean, if they hadn't
told me that I shouldn't go to the airport and spit on them as they came home
and call them baby killers this time, I don't know what I would have
done. Don't worry though, none of the sales of those magnets goes towards
the troops at all. I am sure that the government is taking very good care
of them over there. Log rides and all.
You know what else I learned in middle America? The less gas mileage that
my car has the better of a person I am. Also, if I make sure that when my
house is built it looks exactly the same as everyone else's, I am truly making
it in life. These are just some of the things that I found out on my trip
into middle America.
What really impressed me was Radio Disney. I mean, at first I thought to myself,
"Radio Disney? Why don't I ever hear about major corporations starting
national radio stations for kids? I mean, why doesn't MicroSoft start a radio
channel for out of work Computer Techs? Why didn't Enron have a station devoted
to telling every single one of their employees why they were getting screwed
to make the people they worked for a little richer?"
DAMNIT! THIS IS A GOOD IDEA!
Then I started listening to the music on it. And you know what? I am so glad
that there is now a radio station that I can turn to and make sure that my
non-existent kids never have any questions for me in their life ever again.
Questions about sex? Don't worry, Radio Disney covered that last week when
it started playing songs about nailing a girl and leaving her to raise the
status of your pimp staff. Not only that, but it also had a good beat! I am
so glad that I didn't have to sit down with my kids and explain that one
to them.
Questions about why everything that I do is so uncool? Why I am a total loser?
Radio Disney has me totally covered on that one. They use subtle references
of things that I was once very interested in, and compare them to things that
my kids are interested in. Thank God! I didn't want to go through the trouble
of telling them that I AM OLD, or that THEIR IS AN AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
US. Nope, Radio Disney has me totally covered on that.
I was once worried what it was going to end up being like to raise kids, and
worried that when they turned out all slutty when they were taking home the
first guy that showed interest in them. Now I don't have to worry, Radio Disney
is there for me.
Not like those damn people who make Axe, though. That shit should tell you
to have safe sex after the commercials. Also, it should come with condoms.
Those fucking bastards. My kids don't need to be seeing that on TV.