12/6/04 7:49 PM
Enough of you wrote to me bitching that Porno can create unfair stereo types for blah blah blah or some bullshit like that you forced me to respond. If the Porno industry hurts anyone at all it is the men. It fills our heads with things that will never happen. So, here is the list of things I have noticed that Porno lies to me about.
1. When your female unit returns home to find you having sex with another woman, her reaction is not going to be one of joy. She will not offer the other woman her joybox, nor will she help in any way. Most of the time the reaction is to stand in the doorway and cry. For some reason this hinders the female you are currently nailing ability to continue with the action that she was just taking part in.
2. Just because you are driving doesn't mean that the woman is horny.
3. One week out of the month, a woman is useless for most major functions. Sex being the primary cause of them to exist, that being gone causes you to lose all reason for them to be around. It is also interesting to note that women seem to be the only major product purchase in the world that it is ok for it not to work a good chunk of the month. If my car decided to not run for a couple of days, I would either explode it, or trade it back in. When your woman stops working, I suggest that you lock her in a closest until she learns her lesson. That is what I do. It doesn't work, but it is fun.
4. Just because you are shopping in an electronics store doesn't mean that she is horny
5. Women don't seem to want to have sex all the time. It is a hard truth, but it is true. I have come to believe that it is because their internal batteries are dying down, or some other flaw in their design like that and it is time to trade up. Porno is a movie after all, they can redo a scene as many times as they want to get the right effect. Personally, I feel that porno is like a car commercial. It is just their to get you to but the product. Commercials fucking lie.
6. Hypnotism will not fix any of the aforementioned flaws.
7. Pizza boys/Mailmen/Cops never get laid when they show up at some very hot woman's house.
8. Just because a woman is overly attractive, doesn't mean that she will have sex with you because you look somewhat like Ron Jeremy. No one understands how he gets laid in the real world.
9. If you walk in on your female unit having sex with another man, you will not join in or ask them what they want for dinner. Your reaction will be more along the lines of that guy in the beginning of Minority Report.
10. Girls do not make out with each other and have sex when they go to the bathroom together.
11. No woman ever has ever been intelligent ever for any reason ever. If she is really hot she has problems walking straight.
There, have your list of things that I have found out tragically about porno. If you don't like it, please set yourself on fire.