1/21/04 5:50 PM
Dear Planters,
I would first like to thank you for your wonderful service to the world in
the ways of providing outstanding nuts and nut byproducts. You are indeed
one of the finest in your field of nutology. You must take great pride in knowing
that you are indeed, as the giant foam finger says, number one.
I have taken notice of the fact that you feel that Mr. Peanut gay. I do not
understand your reasoning behind all of this. Mr. Peanut was a lovable character
that was only about making sure that other people knew the wonders about enjoying
a good peanut or three. He was one of the few characters that I could look
at and say “I know what that man stands for, no question about it.” Sure,
every now and then I would wonder if the Monopoly guy had some bastard peanut
child running around but that would never get in the way of Mr. Peanut’s
unwavering devotion to selling me amazing peanuts. Never.
But for some reason you seem to feel that he might sell more if he was some how gay. I thought that all of you would be above this stupid Metrosexual craze that America seems to be on right now. But no, you sunk to the lowest level and allowed a beloved character to be soiled forever. You aren’t creating lasting commercial memories here. This isn’t “Where’s the beef” or “Juicy Fruit is Gonna Move Ya” all this is ever going to be remembered as is “The time that Mr. Peanut was gay. Why the hell are you doing this?
Monopoly Guy must be horribly sad at what was done to his son
I understand that harvesting peanuts is horribly boring. I would never think that the manufacturing of a product would have ever allowed you to do something like this to the poor man. He has been around forever and now you just decide to throw the poor guy away for a craze that only the mindless are fooling. Why Planters? Why?
That is a gay fucking nut
If you wanted to make a gay nut to follow the sheep with then you might as well have made a “Gay Cashew” or “In the End Hazelnut.” Hazelnut. Now that is a nut that I question the sexuality of. I could see that nut as one of the guys on “Queer Eye” It could be a crab counter or something dumb and along the lines of things that a real man doesn’t care about.
I understand that you are trying to “remake” the image of the ever loving Mr. Peanut but what I don’t understand is why he would be gay. Mr. Peanut is the millionaire’s nut. He is the nut that you can look at and know from only the hat and cane that he is eaten even in Bill Gates house. Now you made him gay. I question if I even want him in my house. What is going to happen when I go to sleep? Is he secretly going to come into my room and give me a hair cut, throw away all my old clothing that has holes in them and question my fashion sense?
The worst part about it is that it seems that you are forcing this sexuality on the poor guy. Even in the commercials that you have him dancing around and screaming fashion sense it seems that he has a forced smile. I am sure that if Mr. Peanut was a real being he wouldn’t have even have known what to do with himself. His boss comes up to him one day, looks at him squarely in the eyes and says, “You’re now gay,” and walks away. What would one do when something like this happened? What could one do?
Why not just cut your losses, say that you were horribly wrong and give some of the spot light to Mr. Peanut’s good friend, Hazelnut? I am it would be nice to know that Mr. Peanut is not the only giant sentient nut around. That he indeed has friends and that it is a diverse world out there for Nut kind. If you don’t, I fear what would happen. After years of being the only giant, aware nut Mr. Peanut turns gay? What are you saying here?
Thank you for your time,
Gillman