4/8/04 7:12 PM
I hate people, and I hate being forced to live through their mistakes. The last thing that I want to do first thing in the morning is understand how much someone else fucked his or her life up.
A perfect example of this is the people who decide that they are going to bring their children to class with them. If you think that it is wonderful to breed, good for you, please don't force the rest of society into being a parent for your child. Whoever said it takes a village to raise a child was a lazy fucking parent. These people should be forced to spend time with their children and pay attention to them.
Now, let’s review reasons that you shouldn't bring your child to class, and maybe I even won’t sound like a dick about it (If that is even possible).
1: It isn't a healthy place for your child to be. If they are in my class, that means that they are in some kind of upper division English class. That means that we are going to be talking about such things as fucking your girlfriend in her ass and how that effects your reflection of this story, and why masturbation is the best thing that women can do to empower themselves. Just so you all know, these are the conversations that we had in front of people's children. That is perfectly fine, if you want your spawn to turn out like me.
2: You are disrupting class. Although not all of us go there to learn, some do. With your child yelling about their Game Boy not working, or their brother (yes, some times children are herded in packs) punching them. Some of us might act like they are not listening or it is cute. Unless your children come out as some kind of Anime schoolgirl, that is not the word to describe them. I would use annoying, bothersome, kill fodder, or lunch.
3: No one wants them, or you, there. I don't remember the last time that I was talking about 20th century Irish Literature, or bringing up how Playboy seems to enjoy implying words that mean fuck, and I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be fun if someone walked in with their child right now?" I am sure that if you called the professor like a responsible student and told him that you couldn't find a baby sitter, he would tell you to stay fucking home. Sometimes you are excused from class you non trad piece of shit, don't act like you are going to miss the meaning of life if you don't attend every class. Take me for example; if I am shot in the leg, and am bleeding all over the place, I probably am not going to show up for class. Hell, the professor might even find out after I deal with blood and killing the person who shot me. I would only show up to impress some hot bitch. You don’t impress anyone by having kill fodder behind you. Don't bring it.
4: You don't look responsible no matter how hard you are trying to make it look like you are. If you were responsible with them, you wouldn't be bringing them to a discussion that includes the words fuck, bitch-slap, or masturbate, again, unless you want them turning out like me. I am sure that you haven't even started to bring up any of these topics with them, which makes you look dumb, and makes everyone else feel uncomfortable. Also, I enjoy saying, "Bitch-slapping fucking asshole, who masturbated and then munged his mother," in front of your children when you bring them to class, and I am not going to stop.
There are plenty more reasons why your children shouldn't come to class, but I think that I have made myself more than perfectly clear on this subject. Unless you are some super lesbian, feminist who thinks that no matter what you expose your children to it isn't going to harm them, two words: Midget Porn. It scares the best of us.