3/12/03 10:38 PM

So I was sitting down the other day, watching TV, and the Christian "Better then you no matter how holy you are, sorry that means you too Jesus," group came on and told me that I could be a better person, one more like them, if I only gave them my money. They then showed this guy in a really clean, white shirt and pants walking around a dump. (This was the cleanest dump that I have ever seen by the way. I don't know how they managed to get all the fun things like banana peels and used condoms out of the way, but they did.) He told me that if I didn't want to burn in hell forever and a ever, being forced to watch episode after horrible episode of Anna Nicole, I would have to only give 28 cents a day, to make sure that one child didn't die, and could live a better life. He told me (after going farther into what hell was like.) About how this would give them good food and great things to drink.

This upset me. (For two reason, because we all know that their are no children in foreign countries, that is just make believe like the government, better computers, and woman that aren't pure evil, they are just trying to get my money.) If they really care about the kid, they would let you send 10 dollars when ever you wanted to, let you send letters of encouragement telling him/her to get a job. Just like they were in college. (Do I question their love for me? No. I go out and get drunk, and am happy that they still know that I haven't died, and that they bought me really really cheap beer for the night.)

Why is it that these kids that apparently are dying for food, can get it all day long for 28 cents? Why can't I get a meal like that? I mean, every time that I go to McDonalds it is fucking a dollar for a double cheese burger (Which is cheaper then a normal cheese burger, which I don't understand.) That isn't even very good. Now I know alot of you are going to tell me that the kids aren't getting great food, just stuff left over from the first world war, but it is still eatable, and I shouldn't be looking at your mom like that. I will respond by saying that you are a liar, and you need to get out of my garbage, I don't care if you have a warrant.

I understand the fact that things can get more and more expensive. (You can buy the ultra-flush 5900 which is made out of gold, wipes your ass for you, and sings you to sleep at night, for only 1.5 million.) But I don't understand why it seems that nothing really gets cheaper any more. If you want to, you too can spend billions of dollars so that Superman will be able to wake soon, but you aren't going to be able to get that 28 cent double cheese burger. Why the hell is that? Why is it that the scale only goes one way? Why can't I give even more quality, stop going to McDonalds and go to shit burger, the only store where they guaranty that you are going to leave more hungry then when you walked in, and wishing that you hadn't come, spending a total of only 8 cents, with tip. Of this is too good of an idea for anyone to follow, seeing as I would go to eat their every fucking day. Being poor and in college would make "Shit Burger" my home as well.

Look, I know that you can buy a Bic pen 100 for a dollar, but that doesn't make me want to go out and buy a Cross pen for 1,000 dollars. I just don't feel the improvement when you go up in price all the time. Why is it that the only people who seem to be able to get quality improvement in life, at a cheaper price, are foreign kids I will never see, and whom you demand 200 dollars out of me or you tell me I don't love them or God enough and I am going to hell? Fuck you, give me W.W.I surplus any time. Older food is fragile, thus making it so I don't have to cook it.

3/10/03 2:27AM

No matter how fast my computer is, I still find myself sitting here and asking it, why the hell is this taking so long. If this is the greatest country in the world, then I ask you this "Why isn't my porn ready yet?" Not only that, but just because something is new, why does it need to be harder to use then the last one. Every time that you get the newest version of photoshop, or something random like that, they make you learn how to use the damn thing over again. Don't make me learn anything more, soon enough you are going to make me forget where I live, just so I can use a public restroom. Enough already, just make my porn faster and easier to get to.

And, in all honesty, I would like to say that at least one program, (PixNewsPro) is making it so that you can get your porno at much easier rates. All you have to do is go through the long fucking process of setting it up, and figuring out how to use it. But when you do get the damned thing up (Three hours later, when you forgot that you were in fact looking for some specific type of porn that for some unknown reason the people at kazaa felt like denying you tonight.) it download porn from newsgroups, all you have to do is let the fucking thing run. That is right, all you have to do is figure out how to use another fucking program, waste three hours of your life, and you two can be on your way to having random porno on your computer that you probably don't want.

Since this program started working on my computer I have I noticed one of two very nice things. One, the feeling of random new porno that appears, as if by magic. (One of the greatest feelings in the world is sitting down at your computer and finding out that their is good new porno on it waiting for you.) The second thing that I found out is this, not all porn in the world is something that you want to look at, or ever see. The bad thing about this is that you can't know what kind of porno you have downloaded until you look at it. This means that it is like taking a 50/50 chance every time that you look at a pic. It could be the happiest moment of your life (52 lesbians giving out phone numbers, waiting for you to show them the wonders of the "Wang") or it could be... Well lets just leave it at the fact it could be Germans, doing whatever the hell that thing is that they call sex. (I will spare you details. Be happy.)

So I guess I am saying is that I want my computer to be able to think for me, and tell me that I shouldn't be looking at porn that magic fairies left for me last night. That and I am really tired of things becoming more difficult to use. You go to college so that you can learn a trade well enough to not have to work again, not so you are the only person that you know who can you "MicroSoft Word 2010" I know that companies like to show off new little ideas that people come up with some times (Word 2020 should be able to do your taxes for you, and snuggle with your wife after sex. [which it too will be able to provide.]) if that is, you can get the damned thing to start up.

All I really want my computer to do for me at this point is wake me up in the morning by telling me "Your porn is ready."

Side note:

I woke up this morning, and my computer did have my porno ready. 4.6 gigs of it, just from letting it work over last night. And this is what i found.

German porn (Germans doing their things... that make you question life, as well as ever having sex again.) : 2 gigs

Japanese porn (Doing things that you thought that no human being would ever let another do. Also bad manga.): 1 gig.

Porn that makes you go ??!????! ahhhh..... : .75 gigs.

Good porn: .85 gigs

If it is worth it, you have to decide.