8/22/03 7:12 PM
Yes, society will lie to you like this.
I don't know about the rest of America, but I pretty much getting pretty fed up with the fact that every time that I feel like sitting down in front of something mindless on T. V. like Buffy The Vampire Slayer, or anything else that FOX has had it's hands in, I am attacked with "features" telling me to do things. They want me to get up off of my ass and do something other then not fucking care. Now, you can't claim this about any program that you watch, because that would take away ratings. (Case in point; the Discovery or History channel, I don't remember the last time I watched T.V. and I was strongly encouraged to fight an alligator or build myself a wooden castle.) No, these are the commercials that try to make me do something, and they should rot in hell for doing it.
This might be old news for some of you, but it turns out for some reason the people who brought you wonderful games such as Metal Gear, are now "motivated" ($$$) to bring you outside with your video games. Boktai is a game that seems to want you to go outside to play. The catch is that if you go outside, you have unlimited ammo to use, but if you stay inside your ammo is very limited. There is no happy medium here, it is either insanely hard, (indoors) or it is a fucking breeze to walk through it, (outside, during a sunny day) all depending on the completion of your skin at the end of the credits. Why is it that the corporations of the world have to try and make me do things? I mean, really people, why would you want me to go outside? Has anything really changed that much since the last time that I went out? Really?
Well thank God that the people who's objective in life is to save me money, have taken into consideration my efforts to avoid all that is life outside of my apartment. They even started thinking about the things that I might miss most of all from the outside world. That is right, grilling hot dogs.
Isn't it great that if I ever thought that I should ever venture outside, for the if not for the one reason of procuring a hotdog that had been cooked on a grill, now I don't have to! Fuck you society and your attempts to make me part of you again, Nathan is way fucking ahead of you. This man is burning the midnight oil thinking about ways to keep me inside.
You might all be asking now, yes, I see the grill, but George Forman offers a grill that will watch out for my health, draining all the fat into convenient little trays for me. Guess what? Nathan tells Forman to fuck off by having several areas that fat can easily just feel to drip freely to. This is greatness of this man, he isn't like that fucking ex-boxer cock, he makes grease feel to have a place to hide from the outside forces of the world that are attacking us all. What you do with that grease after you have it free? That is your little secret.
Nathan is a man who is thinking ahead of his time, asking himself, "If I was a hopeless shut in, and started to wonder every now and then what life outside these wall would be like, what would I feel like doing first?" And then he sits there for hours at a time, just thinking about ways that he could avoid the outdoors.
Now I know what you are all wondering, what is on the reverse side of that grill. Is it magic? Could something make up for the fact that I am missing the most important fact of the outdoor grill, the charcoal? Yes, I can tell you what is on the back side, pure cocaine*. Nothing but the best for his people, Nathan always used to say. He really was a great man.
*Please take note: Nathan has not been allowed to market said Cocaine/Grill, as he had dreamed. The government stepped into his plans and forced him to make it some sort of Grill/Griddle hybrid that no on really understands the purpose of.