11/25/04 2:37 PM
I spent entirely too much time on this rant. It should have been up monday, but the fact is that I had to invent some Thanksgiving themed porn. Bare with me.
#5. La Blue Girl: Why? Because nothing can get you in the turkey eating mood like many women being attacked, and forced to have sex with/by tentacles. If this movie doesn't fill you with holiday joy, you clearly are paying to much attention to the plot. Don't worry, that is a novice Porno watchers mistake. Just pick up the remote and fast forward it to a section that only involves naked women. Don't worry, it shouldn't take more then a couple of seconds.
#4. Lesbian Sleep Over: I think that we all know that lesbians only have hot sex when they sleep over at each other's places. The warning on the cover kind of hints at the fucking obvious. When you have no less then three lesbian scenes at on the cover, you kind of know that this shit ain't for kids. It is kind of disappointment that they do tell you just how many lesbian scenes this movie has in it, 11. So, about 1/3 of the movie was ruined for me by the cover. Great.
When you have a woman with insane hair, and another making the chipmunk orgasm face, you know that this porno was fucking made to be watched on Thanksgiving... Well, either that or when you are drunk and looking to score... and alone.
#3. Young, hot, and lesbian: The movie challenges you if you could possibly ask for more. I would be more then happy to retort that, yes, infact, I could. When I think "Young" I am not thinking "Youngish". I am thinking about two 18 year old chicks going at it. Also, you really don't need the 'and' in there. I know that you are trying to show off that bullshit High school diploma, but in all fairness, an 's' at the end of 'Lesbian' would have just implied about the same. Eh. I can't really complain though, you can pick up this movie, and the one above it for about 8 dollars together. That is pretty much why they both made it on the list. Well, that and because they are chalked full of silly lesbians.
Holiday theme? Um... Well, if you are going to start shopping after Thanksgiving for me, like most of America will, (I rule) you should try and get me young, hot, lesbians. Don't worry, it is the gift that you can never have to much of.
#2. Nymph: Well... it is just a good porn. That should be enough for it to fit firmly on this list. Other then the fact that Chasey Lain is probably one of the most beautiful women who has ever taken off their clothing and had sex with strangers for money, this is an outstanding porno in its own right. Look into her eyes and tell me that you don't want to do horribly nasty things to her, after buying her dinner.
Not only does this come in novelty size porno box edition, it is also extremely cheap, for some random fucking reason. Make this yours for only 13 dollars. Considering this has nothing to do with Thanksgiving, in any way, it made a pretty good jump up to number 2.
#1. Debbie Does Dallas: Nothing says God bless America like football. Nothing gets a football team going more then every single one of them doing a cheerleader named Debbie. I am sure I could come up with a couple dozen more inspirational things to say about this, but the fact remains that nothing says Thanksgiving like thinking about young girls naked, them doing horribly nasty things for advancement, and football.
God Bless America.