5/6/04 11:08 PM
So, recently, the flu decided that it would try and take its best shot at me. Personally, all I can say is, “I’ve had worse.”
I don’t know what kind of world these fucking new age viruses think that we are living in here, but all they seem to fucking do is be dumb. Oh no, the flu is going to take me out of society for a couple of days! Wow, that happens every week, it is called ‘weekends’. Oh no, the flu is going to make me feel like shit! Yeah, I don’t know if you have figured this out, flu, but Doteasy makes me feel like more of a whore. Also, I may be in the bathroom all day, but once you deal with my service provider, almost everything else in your life makes you feel clean afterwards.
Now, in all fairness, the last time I got so sick that I honestly could not function in society for that day was about two years ago. All that ended up being was a very bad chest cold that made me talk two octaves below human hearing. Also, I remember not being able to breathe well. The time before that was about ten years ago, when, coincidently, I caught the flu.
So let’s compare this flu to that one.
This flu: Made me feel like shit for a week. Only made me stop functioning, in society, for two days. Only for part of one did I think I was going to die. Sauce factor: Weak
Last flu: I saw shit and talked to my grandmother’s couch for two and a half hours as if it was a tribble. Then I got into an argument with it because it enjoyed Three’s Company over Perfect Strangers. While I don’t remember thinking I was going to die, the furniture seemed to be concerned with my general well being at the time. Sauce factor: Hallucinogenic
This flu: Made me not update the webpage for over a week. Sauce: Weak
Last flu: Got me out of reading some shitty book for English class. Sauce: Lazitastic
This flu: Caught when fucking asshole made me walk 45 minutes home in the freezing rain. Sauce: Fucking annoying
Last flu: Caught because I was fooling around with an older girl who had that fucking flu and just seemed to want to share everything with me that day. Sauce: More entertaining as an 11 year old.
Overall I am going to have give this flu a 3 out of 5. If you need a way to get out of doing something, or just want to make your weekend a couple of days longer, I would recommend this. The plus side to feeling like shit is that no one asks you to do anything for the next week after you get back, and no one wants you to come near them. If you are going to try and get out of some huge project at work, the flu is totally the way to go. If you don’t want to sit in bed and lose a couple of nights of sleep because your body can’t decide if it needs to be boiling or freezing, you might just want to go for something on the lower end of the disease rating scale, like paranoia, or speed.
Also, I would like to point out that while some types of the flu seem to be able to make you see things, other just suck and make you wish it would hurry up and kill you. While the novelty of these effects wears off in a matter of minutes, it is nowhere as cool as the exploding head syndrome that I just made up. That shit is cool.