3:33 AM
The Five Worst Inventions of All Time
About
a month ago a small radio station in France decided that it would be a great
idea to hand out the "Greatest Invention of all Time Award" and
ended up naming the best thing in the universe as the Bicycle. It had a list
of things that they also considered "great" inventions, but you
know, just not number 1 kind of gadgets. Radio, the station holding the contest,
or France didn't even come up as "nice ideas."
Here at Varms we don't know what positive things are, nor do we normally care
what people think. This basically leads me to listing the five worst inventions
of all time:
5:
Ebay. Anything that it has done for good and awesome are drastically over
shadowed by the forces
of evil that use it.
4:
The internet. Why? Shouldn't I enjoy something that brings thousands of people
to my site everyday. People who read what I have to say, look at my sponsors
and go "nifty" and never buy anything at all? Not really. I mean,
if you can think of anything that has decreased the productivity of the world
more then the internet I would either call you a liar or a creative bastard...
but I am leaning towards liar, so don't email me. And don't say TV. The internet
counts as interactive TV.
Also, most of the internet is filled with things that suck. If you think that
you have seen everything, email me. I can send you to a couple of sites that
will make you cower in the corner forever and wish that you hadn't questioned
me. There is lots of porn out there that you don't want to see.
3:
MMO's. They make me upgrade my computer's and socialize with people. Both
of these things are wrong.
2:
FilePlanet. Why? I don't anything else
in the world that the more you spend time around the more that you want to
pay for it. Look, I hate paying for anything. I think there have
been five times in my life that I felt good about parting with my money. Two
of which was for booze when I needed to get drunk, once was when I knew I
was going to tag this painfully hot chick as long as I impressed her by spending
money on a date, once was when I got the bill to be playing FFXI before I
changed servers and lost my character so I could hang out with "friends"
that did nothing but ignore me, the last one involves aliens, President Bush,
and something that he would never admit to enjoying.
FilePlanet is just a bad idea. I don't need to pay to download things, and
I should probably stop going there.
1:
any package tracking system. Why, you might ask. I might answer you something
along the line of this, "Because I don't know any other program that
is out there which can tell you your package is stuck in New Jersey, for 48
hours, without reason. Not only that, but it can tell you that it was sent
out of the sorting facility three times only to come back and be checked in
and out again." Then I would probably say something about how it doesn't
matter, cause you are an evil gnome anyway. Then I would cut you.
Honorable mentions? France, that Radio show that held the contest, and the
Bicycle.