4/23/04 2:08 PM
I am getting really fucking tired of all of these insanely huge cars that you see everywhere. I will give you all a little piece of advice; when your car is known to block out the sun when you pass, it is time to try and go for a smaller vehicle. Either that or it is time for you to grow a set of balls and stop taking everything that you own with you when you go to the store to pick up milk.
What is being done to American cars is almost confusing. They are creating a hybrid vehicle that is combining a person’s house, with a truck, with a van. I think that you all know where I am going with this. I think that we should kill soccer moms.
That is right, it all started with people wanting to drive a car, but wanting to carry an entire Swedish soccer team in the car with them. I mean, I almost understand this. Those soccer teams do seem to have a habit of crashing into mountains and eating each other. I wouldn’t want to leave them alone either.
Where has this all fucking gone, though? Now you are starting to get cars pussied out. Look at the new jeep. I mean, really look at this fucking thing. Fucking awful. Not only does it hurt the eyes to look at, but it also begs the question: what the hell are all of you people carrying with you? You are supposed to be buying this vehicle to drive over the mountains and save small villages from floods and that kind of stupid shit. Now it looks like you are getting ready to lay a mattress in the back and let your neighbor’s daughter suck your cock in it. Fucking pedophile.
I am going to blame Dodge most of all for a lot of this bullshit. Their new slogan of, “It isn’t more than you need, just more than you are used to,” just asks people to kill them slowly with phone cords that they have dipped in some kind of fluid that annoys the skin. You know the kind, like mustard, just not friendly to eat.
Why the fuck do you need a DVD player in your car? Why the hell would you ever need that fucking kind of thing in your truck? If one follows the logic presented in the commercial, you can throw in a movie for your kids right when you are leaving the movies with your kids. I have an idea, how about you talk to your children for awhile. That might, ya know, cause you to be involved in your life. Is that asking for too much of a step? Guess what; put the fuckers up for adoption. Some loser in a third world could raise them better then a jack off who is driving a truck with a DVD player in it.
A long time ago they had this vehicle that allowed you to have your entire house with you. I think it was called a Winnebago. Hell, they still make them. If you can’t bare to be away from your fireplace, why don’t you just make a truck with one of those built in, standard? I am sure that you can get a couple of gallons to the mile out of that hot rod.
Look, if you need to have a truck that has a cap on it, but the cap doesn’t come off, and only the top slides back, I would put that entire car idea under the topic heading of “completely useless unless I am transporting something the exact size and shape of a refrigerator.” Great going Dodge, you have successfully come up with the worst idea that anyone has ever thought of for a car. Well, excluding that one episode of the Simpsons when Homer made his own car, and then drove his brother out of business. God, I love the Simpsons.