9/23/04 8:45 PM
We can learn many things from Britian
We all have a harsh reality that we need to battle. The fact is that zombies kick ass, and we need them in our everyday lives. They are part of who we are, and frankly, they eat idiots.
Think about it this way, have you done anything good with your life so far? Have you gone out and ran any marathons? Won any awards? Got anything meaningful that you don't want fucked up? Me neither. With zombies around, we could all become heroes in our own right. Not only that, but we could also get away with murder. I don't see any arguments with that either.
Resident Evil: The best American zombie movie of recent
I weep
The problem is that America has gotten soft with our zombies. They are all super powered and ready to jump fences and learn kung fu. That shit doesn't make you a hero, that makes you dead. We, as lazy, fat, Americans have dropped the zombie ball, and I know if it is for the better. Look at, you, England. You showing us up by producing one hit zombie movie after another. OK, one good zombie movie, and one that was about people going insane and eating you.
The truth is that we bucked the English off our backs a couple of hundred years back over taxes, or tea, or something like that. Now they are bailing us out in the zombie market. Not only that, but we were turning down some of the greatest zombie based minds for some of the greatest work they could have been doing. I hope that all us Americans feel awful.
Personally, I would like to ask Great Britain to forgive us for all those horrible things that we said about their teeth, and the things with did with their tea and daughters/wives/queen. I know personally that I feel horrible about nailing your queen in the ass in front of your wife while your daughter helped. I know that in hindsight it wasn't a great idea, but it was damn funny at the time. I think we all had a good laugh, or eight. Also, sorry about that entire French thing. Not my fault, I'm just sorry you live next door to assholes.
So, now that all that is over with, I would like to ask you to help out in this entire zombie thing. I was thinking that you would only need to drop 2 in most major cities to get the ball rolling for the rest of them. The entire 2 become 4 theory seems to work rather well. You might also want to spread some misinformation about them. That they are filled with candy, and when you are bitten you become rich. Something like that. People and governments are stupid. Also, figuring out how to make zombies. Returning satellite from venus always seemed to do the trick. That or chemicals.