2/8/04 10:06 PM

Let me start this out by just saying while writing this rant I had to turn the sound off for my computer because the damn Boohbah's wouldn't stop farting, but I needed that page open for info on this rant.

One of the fun arts and crafts projects presented on the BoohBah site!!! (Click to see just how horrible I am at coloring)

So you might be asking at this point how the hell I came across something so horrible as Boohbah. How I could ever manage to stumble through the depths of despair and punishment to miraculously appear on the shores of this monstrosity. The answer is simple. I was skipping class and it was on PBS.

That is right everyone, PBS isn't a purely intellectual channel any more, they now make programs for stoners who stay home all day and watch day time TV. What? You don't think that Boobbah sinks to that level? I watched about a quarter of an episode and from what I could gather there was no plot at all. (I had to keep changing the channel because nothing would happen for 4-12 minutes. When I changed it back they were just about finishing up with their insanity) Now don't get me wrong and think that because I watched so little of it I couldn't gather what was happening. Look, I have watched enough porno to know when their is and isn't a plot.

The producer says that this program is intended to make children always questioning things and have better problem solving abilities. Sure, I understand some of that. The entire time I was asking "What the fuck is happening," and "Why isn't their a reason for this" and the ever popular, "Thanks for not letting me swallow my tongue..." Alright, the last one wasn't a question. But I did say it about three times.

From what I could gather this show consisted of three elements. Or, if you would like, Three ways to make me question my sanity.

The first was children interacting with a shinning ball which they would yell at as loud as they could. "BoohBah" could be heard echoing throughout the land. The first part of the interaction came at the beginning of the show. Just yelling here. Normally it was the same white children, just dressed as if they were from another land. China or Danishland or something like that. The second was when the ball finally made contact with the children and they started doing something really stupid. One danced, another played with a jump rope, but mostly they danced. The entire problem with this is that it didn't seem to stop. (Neither the yelling or the dancing/jump roping) A child dancing can be cute and entertaining when done for thirty seconds at a time. Either these children where slaves brought to the New World for the sole reason of performing an insane dance to punish my being, or they were retarded. I am kind of hoping for the first one because I don't know if the second story holds room for the children to feel horribly bad about what they were just forced to do.

The second action is flashing lights. This felt like the longest segment. I am not sure if other things happened during it, things that I am unaware of, fore I was having a seizure at the time. Three minutes after it stopped I managed to get up, check how much time had passed, and continue on with the review of the horrible, heinous show.

The third was, and is, what I can only describe as BoohBah interaction. Basically, for a visual, what one would have to do it picture their worst nightmare, refine that, add in some magic colors, take out any fun they could have, then do some acid, and then you might find something that is close to as painful as these fucking Boohbahs are. It is like every evil clown nightmare I have ever heard about, then dancing about to show off some kind of devilish drawn out plan to kill me. This, also, went on for entirely to long.

That about sums up the entire show. Something really weird happens, then something else happens, I fall into a seizure because of flashing lights, come back ten minutes later, I cry because evil is afoot, then the show ends. I don't understand how PBS can market this to the 3-6. Either PBS has gotten into the habit of making 3-6 year olds cry for hours or have gotten into the child therapy racket. Well that or they are liars and wanted to give stoners something to do between Teletubbies and Barney.
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