4/26/03 8:41 PM
See, Captain Morgan's uncle knows how to break in.
The other day I was walking through the parking lot, trying to ignore that I was hung over, as well as running about 20 minutes late to work. I slowed down because I didn't really care about work. As I did this, I noticed that one of the cars that was sitting around me had all these marks in the paint, and around the window. I took a look at this and thought about what the fuck had happened. Had someone been so drunk that they had tried to open their window with the key? Then it hit me, this must have been one of those cars that had been in the broken into over the last couple of days. (It turns out that someone is interested in everyone else's shitty cd collection that they keep in their cars.)
First off, unless they are keeping state secrets, gold, money, hookers, or delicious kittens (IE. Something worth effort) you have no real reason to break into someone's car. What could you fucking want from someone's car? CDs by artists that can't write their own music, so the only thing worth listening to on it can be heard on the radio, every other fucking hour? Why don't you just download the shit offline, like the rest of the world?
The answer to this, of course, is simple. No one in this area knows how to be a pirate.
Pirates only steal shit that you can either:
1. Sell for alot of money.
2. Use to blackmail them.
3. Or something you want to have.
If you steal something from someone, and it holds no value to you, other then just to piss someone off, that makes you an asshole. I know that you might be wanting to impress the other friends that you have, who are going to drop out of college next semester with you. Know what though? All you are really doing is giving them something to laugh at. It is like when all of your friends get you drunk and tell you should eat bull testicles. Sure you think that it will show them that you are more of a man then they could be, but it just makes it clear that you will do anything to impress someone. Yum, testicles.
If you were a real pirate, you would steal the right way. First off, stop with this hippy, trying not to leave a mark on the car. It doesn't work, we all know you were there. So if we are going to know that you are there, then you should leave you mark. Break the fucking window. Be a pirate, let them know that you were there. Not only that, but if the shit sucks, burn the car down. That will show them. Second off, leave the door open. We all know that you were their, just make sure that the person you stole from will beyond a doubt, know that you were their, before they even notice the window. Third. If the radio station that they are listening to sucks, change it. Make sure that they are listening to something good after you were their. Now you did them a favor by stealing from them. (Unless you burned the car before hand. Then rock out. You ARE hardcore.)
I hope that you have learned a lesson from this. If you are going to do something, do it the right way, and for the right reason. The way that VARMS.NET tells you to do it.